Automotive Misfortunes, Let’s Review.

My cat Malibu and I were recently reading an issue of HRM while it was too cold outside to actually do something productive. One of the editors was describing some of the unlucky automotive related events that have happened to him over the years.  Some were admittedly his fault, and others were beyond his control.  So I began to reminisce myself on some of my own “misfortunes”.

Let’s take a look back, shall we?

- I once hung a car from the shop ceiling….. by it’s hood.  Hood hinges are much stronger than you would think, so is the chainfall for pulling engines out.

- While still not fully awake yet, I opened the garage door and took a very complete step into a drain bucket full of waste oil.  That was a bad way to start the morning.

- After not being able to loosen a bumper bolt on one of my trucks, I got out my big 1/2 inch drive breaker bar.  I applied all the pulling force that my body could possibly make, when the breaker bar suddenly snapped and I punched myself in the face. It was definitely the hardest punch I have ever thrown or received.

- I learned that throwing a brake-less 1964 Thunderbird into park when it is rolling will not even begin to slow it down. Then in a panic, if you push the Thunderbird’s “emergency” brake pedal to the floor, the cables WILL snap.  This chain of events will guarantee a firm crash into a beautiful 1976 Corvette.

- Late at night, when cruising home from a friends house, I missed the end of the street, drove across a busy road, got a little bit of air-time, and landed my truck in someones beautifully groomed front lawn.  That sure was awkward.

- It turns out that a clogged catalytic converter can cause a 1988 Camaro automatic transmission to not shift properly.  So spending 11 hours replacing a working transmission with another working transmission is not going to unclog the catalytic converter and fix the real problem.  Mental Note: Only buy cars older than 1973!

- You will never see as much traffic on your road as when you lose your driveshaft during the maiden voyage of your project car.  I guess I should have tightened those u-joint caps down.

- I think we have all forgotten to install an oil drain plug before. The difference is, the Cadillac that I forgot it on held 8 quarts of oil (with the drain plug in) .  8 quarts makes one heck of an oil slick.  Luckily, I noticed before I started the engine.

- Just because the neighbor is rumored to be in jail, doesn’t mean you can take his 83 Riviera through the woods.  However, it did prove that a V8, front wheel drive car is not a good off-roading vehicle.

- I got pulled over by a police officer that was on a bicycle.  It was kind of a humorous situation, and I deserved the ticket.

- Contrary to popular belief, Olds Cutlass Ciera’s aren’t good at hill climbing in the sand pits.  My friend rolled his onto it’s roof, and I got to help him flip it back over.  As far as his parents knew, a tree fell on it.  I hope they don’t read this.

- An easy way to test the strength of a wooden 4×4 is to place a 60 Pontiac body on it. If it breaks, and dumps the body on the ground, then it is not a very strong piece wood.

- It turns out that the automatic transmissions in rear wheel drive cars are very close to the floor pans. So if you aren’t paying attention when installing a B&M shifter, you can easily drill through the floor pan and into the top of the transmission.

I will finish it off with an explanation of the fine moment in history pictured above.  Yeap, it’s me many years ago….. borrowing a pair of women’s sunglasses to protect my eyes from the burning magma 2 feet from my face.  There is so much wrong with this picture that I cannot even begin to explain.  What the heck was I thinking?

10 comments to Automotive Misfortunes, Let’s Review.

  • Hugh Jorgan

    On my way home from work one summer evening, I was once pulled over on my bicycle by a cop in a car. This was in the downtown Rockford, Michigan, where I lived as a teenager, at about 10:30 at night. The charges? No lights, not stopping at appropriate intersections, and SPEEDING! All those things were true.

  • Now THAT is a unique experience! Hysterical!

  • I've definitely done the forget-to-put-the-oil-drain-plug-back-in thing. Fortunately, I only lost 2 quarts of oil before realizing the concrete under my feet was suddenly very slippery…

    I have a similar bumper bolt story from early 2008. 1977 Ramcharger with an aftermarket rear bumper, which I needed to remove to get at the bolts for the fuel tank straps. I already have high blood pressure, and one of the four bolts was frozen. I took the breaker bar and worked on it so hard that I actually bruised my upper arms from straining and pushing them against the bumper. I also raised my blood pressure enough to break a blood vessel in my right eye, spilling blood onto my retina and causing temporary vision loss. My vision still has not fully returned nearly two years later, although it is at about 85-90%.

  • After performing a 4 wheel alignment on a 84 Chevy Van (4 wheel drive), The shop forman came over to take it off the lift. What he didnt know was the transfer case shifter was in neutral and the colunm was in park. As he opened the door, the van rolled down the ramps, off the rack and into a glass garage door. He did try to hold onto the van door trying to stop it…..ah FAIL!! The van only had a softball sized dent in the roof from the panels of glass falling.

  • Rob

    I once saw a guy get pulled over by a cop on a horse!. The cop was sitting at a light (yes horses stop for red lights). The car drove past the horse and stopped at the next block. The horse cop galloped up to the car and tapped on the window – then proceeded to write him a ticket.

  • Ryan

    oh yea, stories like that are fun. Those are some fun ones. I saw a guy back a SUV into a SUV that was sky high on a lift. That was expensive. When I was 18 and had my wrx I got pulled over and a warning for doing 120mph! I thought I was going to jail!

  • Todd

    When we were in high school we would jump my sweet 81 Mustang across railroad tracks and other hilly roads. Eventually one of my engine mounts completely broke off during one of these jumps causing the shifter to bobble around on the steering wheel.

    Oh and way before x games we would jump a ford escort across 40 ft table tops that we built for our dirt bikes. Brilliant!

  • Great blog, I'm very happy I stumbled onto it through my friend's blog, oing to have to put this one on the blogroll

  • Katie

    LMAO! Well written Sir!

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