Seriously. Just Throw Your Clothes Away.

A long day of wrenching....

Once in a while at the end of the day, instead of washing my clothes, I just throw them right in the trash….because there is just no saving them….

Let’s slow it down and start at the beginning. You have a big day planned with your project car, and you will finally make some long awaited progress on it. You buy all the supplies you will need and come up with a game plan for a full day of activities. After much anticipation, the day finally arrives and it is now “go time”. You wake up before the sun rises, and you throw on some “work clothes”. Your “work clothes” were your good clothes last week, but you ruined them “just checking something real quick” under the car. You forget to eat breakfast because you are on an automotive mission and can’t be bothered. There is definitely no time for food, drinks, or banter of any kind, because it is Saturday and it is going to be intense.

You start off with removing your greasy intake manifold and surrounding parts.  Then you search the entire garage and yard full of cars to find your missing red shop rags.  Since they seem to have vanished into thin air, it becomes OK to wipe your filthy hands on your white shirt.  Your shirt is 50% of your “work clothing” so it can get a little dirty.  A few hours pass… the greasy work is over, all the upper engine parts are cleaned, and things can start going back together. This is when the ratchet slips, and you whack your knuckles on the sharpest object within 30 miles.  The injury is ugly, and you don’t want to go back into the house for medical attention because you could become trapped in there by god-knows-what. The only option now is to tear off the bottom 6 inches of your shirt to use as a bandage.  The shredded white shirt is then wrapped around your fingers and held on there with some slightly used electrical tape.  Thank goodness there was still a clean, sterilized part of your t-shirt left to wrap your hand in, otherwise it could get infected.  This might also be a good time to flex your stomach a little bit because it is now on display.

Since you are now injured, there are only a few tools left that you can use without causing massive pain to your already hurting hand. Luckily, the MIG welder is a one-handed tool. The floor pans in your car just need a few little welds to finish them off and this is a perfect opportunity to finish them. The welding helmet goes down and before you know it, the frayed rip in your pant leg is on fire. Yes, your pants are now ON FIRE. (Don’t laugh, it burns!). You swat at it while screaming like a child that just fell off of her bike, and your buddy hurls a bucket of ice water onto you. This stops your denim inferno, and soothes the burning for a short time.

You finish off the day with a few odds and ends that you can still do with your injured hand and a soaking wet / burned leg. It has been a rough day and you are beat, so it is time to go back inside and see what you look like in the mirror. The minute you walk in the door, 5 people shout at you “don’t you dare touch anything!!!”. This leads you to tip toe your way across the kitchen leaving 12 oil slicked steps all the way to the bathroom. You look in the mirror and realize that you have had a black stripe across your forehead from the grease festival that morning, and it is pretty obvious that you have been picking your nose. AWESOME. There is some sort of gear lube on the back of your head that didn’t bother you all day, but now you are beginning to wonder how it got there. Your shirt looks as if you were swimming in an oil slick, and the bottom 6 inches of it are missing because it is wrapped around your electrical taped hand. You glance down at your still damp, partially burned pants and realize that you still have a pocket full of bolts that will most likely never make it back to the car again. All you can do is smile and laugh, because you can’t believe you lit yourself on fire again. When will you learn? After a painful shower, you take your “work clothes” and throw them directly in the trash, because there is clearly not a savable strand of fabric left on them for next weekend.

8 comments to Seriously. Just Throw Your Clothes Away.

  • This. Post. Is. AWESOME.

    I've never had to throw my clothes away, and I don't weld, but every other part of this is pretty much spot-on for any time I do car work.

  • greg cormier

    Great story, sounds familiar. I think I may have seen this before. haha

  • JohnEd

    You just spent all weekend creating 'character' that would sell in a big city boutique…Zoolander grunge!

  • Jason

    Time to start selling preworn work clothes as a style!

  • Rob

    I had to laugh when I saw the photo. I recently found a similar photo of my self. The picture was about 8 years old. I was dirty and holding some misc. auto part and standing in front of a project car (that unfortunatly is still unfinished in the garage). I don't really remember what I was doing, but looking at the picture reminds me that it was one of the best days of my life. I am not sure why I quit working on that car. I know I was pretty overwhelmed, but it was fun! I guess I need to get back to it.

  • Lee

    At the end of the day you take your clothes off and they stand up all by them self! hey ma,Looks no hands!!

  • pie

    OMG THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! LOL.

  • Katie

    Jeremy, who knew you were so funny…ALso, why do I feel like every time I work on my car, I end up rolling around in gear oil, grease, and trans fluid (all at the same time, every time)and always need to throw my clothes away? :)

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