Air Bags: The Only Thing Stopping You From Being The Drift King

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Mastering that fine line between drifting and crashing is an art, not a science.  To protect the common man from hitting that fine line too harshly, Chevy has just introduced the “No dorifto” inflatable restraint system into its new Camaros.  It protects the driver and passengers from that dastardly asphalt ocean that they are adrift in.

Air bags: Can’t win with them, can’t win without them.

Jeremy Nutt

Hi, I'm Jeremy.

4 thoughts to “Air Bags: The Only Thing Stopping You From Being The Drift King”

  1. -RANT ALERT- Brings up a major gripe of mine about new car production. I would like the manufacturer of my new car to have tested each model to its extreme limits. I grant that today’s testing grounds have rough “roads” to be hit at speed, corrosion acceleration chambers, and trailers to pull, but we still have cars coming out “half baked” sometimes. You want to get consumer confidence in your brand? Make it unfailingly reliable/durable.

    So take a few brand new cars off the line. Slide them around till the tires blow. Jump them over train tracks and hammer speed bumps at 60MPH. Race the engine and do neutral drops repeatedly. Neglect the oil changes for 10-20,000 miles. Stress the cooling system in stop and go traffic for several consecutive hours in 110+ heat. Bash them into other cars at low speed repeatedly to check body durability. Overload the electrical system with crummy aftermarket stereos and such. Leave the windows open in a rainstorm. Set a crazed dog loose in the interior. Spray soda all over everything electrical and check function. This is everyday life for a car once it leaves the lot. Once these tests are completed, beef up anything that broke or degraded excessively. Apply these upgrades to your production vehicles BEFORE shipping, not in the form of “recalls”.

    I do not believe consumer confidence means buying a new car from a random manufacturer every five years because the old one fell apart. Build a reputation for durability and customer support. Skip the electronic gadgets that few people know how to use anyways, quit trying to “innovate” with untested powertrains and components, and make a no frills car that people can trust to get them around no matter what. Being easy to work on would be a bonus too.

    Oh, and maybe if cars didn’t keep getting bigger and bigger over time, and wheels getting equally larger, we could see some fuel economy improvements over 20 years ago. Is there some reason we can’t equal the price/fun/economy of the Honda CRX, 27 years after it came out? Just an example. I can think of only one car sold today that comes close to the HF’s 1713lb curb weight, the Smart ForTwo at 1808lbs, which can’t even meet the HF’s fuel economy. And I wouldn’t be caught dead in a Smart. WTF.

    1. Well said! I could not agree more. I would love to know more about what kind of testing does go into new cars, because I think the angry dog and soda test should definitely be part of it. I would also include a “hit mysterious metal object in the road” test, because those things hunt me down for some reason.

    2. To answer your CRX question, it has to do with federally mandated crash standards that apply to unbelted passengers:
      look for “S5.1.2 Unbelted test”

      Unbelted occupants must be protected in collisions up to 30 mph – that’s UNBELTED occupants – my question is why? Cars could be made much lighter and more fuel efficient if not for this B.S. rule…I’m not big on conspiracy theories, but this one has me wondering..

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