Worst Automotive Photography Ever.

I am the absolute worst photographer that you have ever witnessed, even when I’m trying really hard.  My problem is that I don’t have any idea why I am so terrible.  Even if I had the best camera in the entire universe, my pictures would still be awful.  I just don’t know how to capture the moment like Volkswagen owners do.  They can make a beat up stock GTI look like it is dripping in 40 layers of fresh clear coat with a beautifully streetlight lit background.  Me? Well, my best pictures appear to be taken under water.  Blubb Gurgle Blubbb Blub…

I’m pretty sure that I just don’t understand light.  Light does crazy things, especially when I am holding a camera.  As soon as my hand touches the camera, the failure begins.  I can have the camera towards the sun, away from the sun, flash on, or flash off…….none of it matters.

For those of you that know what you’re doing, can you give me some quick pointers so that I can provide better blog pictures? I’m tired of blur.

Do Not: Drive Your Car Into a Lake


Do not drive your car into a lake, unless you have an Amphicar.  If you do in fact have an Amphicar, then you are obligated to drive in to and out of as many lakes as possible.  I cannot even begin to imagine what kind of willpower you need to have to drive a classic vehicle into a lake, AND feel confident enough to drive away from the shore.  Better him than me, that’s for sure.

How To Be Awesome: Bacon Motorsport Rally Team

People from Massachusetts are known for many things.  Our spoken alphabet does not contain the letter “R”, we drink coffee during all hours of the day & night, and more than anything, we are passionate about our home teams.

Bacon Motorsport is one of the home teams that the car enthusiasts around here are truly passionate about.  Why the name “Bacon”? you ask.  Well, because that’s Bill Bacon’s last name of course!  Now, truth be told, I have never met Bill in person.  However, it seems as though everybody that I know is within 1 degree of separation of him.  It’s truly amazing.  I hang out with my friends – Bacon.  I pick up a Craigslist transmission – More Bacon.  I hop on Facebook to over-share my world – You guessed it, bigtime Bacon.  Gearheads are talking, Bacon Motorsport is the word, and the automotive world is intently listening.

The Bacon Motorsport team competes in the Rally America Championship Series (Click that link and look at the current standings on the top left. Notice who #2 is).  When I say “competes”, I mean it.  The team has consistently placed in the top 3 throughout the 2010 racing season (….ok, fine, except once!).   You may have even seen their team mentioned in USA Today a few days ago when they jumped ahead of the some of the more heavily funded competitors.  That has got to feel good. Naturally, I was hoping to have the Bacon Motorsport Team at our 1A Auto Car Show on July 31st, but they will be competing in the Rally X-Games.  Bummer for us, but DAAANG that is Awesome for them!  I wish them nothing but continued success, because they deserve it, and we will be sure to keep tabs on them throughout the X-Games.

If Bacon Motorsport reads this > Good Luck!  There are way more fans than you even realize rooting for you!

Now watch Bill in the Bacon Motorsport EVO tear up the track.

Not Green: 8 MPG Plymouth GTX

It’s simple math really.   You take one totally awesome California raised Plymouth GTX, subtract all cares about what other people think, and end up with a bold custom license plate.   Oddly enough, this car was spotted last night at a Massachusetts cruise night.  Let’s throw some more math into the post for fun’s sake.

According to Google, it is about 3000 miles from California to Massachusetts, and high octane gas is around $2.97 per gallon these days.  We’ll assume that this car uses high octane for today’s equation.  3000 miles divided by 8 mpg = 375 gallons of gas.  375 gallons x $2.97 per gallon = $1113.75 .  Worth the drive?  Heck yea, every penny.

Love It?  Hate it? I’ll let readers decide 😉

Two Lane Blacktop: The Car Movie You Must See.

Tow Lane Blacktop
Tow Lane Blacktop

I’ll admit that about 70% of the “car” movies out there are positively painful to sit through.  Don’t give me that look. Fess up! You feel the same way as I do.  The only reason we watch these atrocities is to see the cars driving at time-bending speeds, through dark tunnels, being chased, with flames out the exhaust, close ups of gear changes, and atom-bomb style explosions nipping at their rear bumpers.  Of course cumulus cloud-esque burnouts everywhere also helps.

Well folks, Two Lane Blacktop is no exception to the 70% rule.  It takes place around the same time that the movie debuted (1971) and stars a flat black 1955 Chevy with a mailbox looking hood scoop and jacked up suspension.  The car drives around to random little towns street racing locals…… Oh did I forget to mention that James Taylor in his early 20’s is “The driver”, and Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys is the sidekick a.k.a “The Mechanic”?   What, no character names? No Sir! Throughout the entire movie, you never actually learn any of the main characters names.  Bizarre? You bet it is.  If that isn’t a movie with “Academy Award” written all over it, I don’t know what is.  James Taylor’s quiet voice, and bad attitude make for amazing dialog during this 102 minute saga.

That being said, I 100% believe that as a car enthusiast, you are obligated to watch this movie.  So be sure to hop on Netflix before everybody else does and grab this flick.  Prepare some popcorn and throw on your favorite automotive t-shirt,  this movie will take you on an automotive voyage that will make your brain doubt your eyes.

Two Lane Blacktop Characters

Two Lane Blacktop Characters

Pics borrowed from:



Vise-Grips: Truly The Best Tool In The Entire World.

The Greatest Tool In The World
The Greatest Tool In The World

If you have never used Irwin brand Vise-Grips, you need to reevaluate your goals in life.  They are so unbelievably awesome, that human words cannot describe them.  They should be the prize that you win in every contest throughout life.  Graduation from anything should get you a set of vise grips.  Instead of worthless tokens & tickets, arcade games should hand kids Vise-Grips with every new high score.  Birthday parties should be limited to Vise-Grip related gifts only.  Every car coming off the assembly line should have a pair of Vise-Grips attached to a panel in the trunk.  If aliens do really exist, they are likely just coming to earth to try to get some new Vise Grips.  If something goes horrible wrong in 2012, you better hope that somebody tucked away a pair of Vise-Grips in a secret chamber. Without them, we will all be doomed.

Vise Grips Can:

– Open Vise-Grips that are so tightly gripped that the only way you can open them is with more Vise-Grips.

– Take the place of every size socket, wrench, and screwdriver you own

– Tear things off / apart

– Remove flywheels

– Hold things while you weld  / grind / cut them

– Temporarily & permanently hold parts onto your vehicle for inspection purposes

– Break stuff when you want to break it

– Remove all the broken stuff that you broke

– Hammer on stuff (not recommended, but it works)

– Pinch you into submission

– Turn stuff that is stuck or not meant to be turned

– Hold up your hood / hatch

– Crush imposters that fail to grip, and always slip.

– Survive the worst that you can throw at them

– Laugh at other tools when they can’t successfully do their intended job

– Ever-so-gently grab gentle stuff

– Work forever, no matter how long your forget them in the rain.

Full Disclosure: I truly love Vise Grips this much, and even if I owned 100 of them I would still need more.  Would I trade your lunch for a pair of Vise-Grips?  You better believe I would.  Sure we have all been bitten by them a couple times, but that is just the Vise-Grips’ way of  saying “Excuse me mere mortal, my supernatural grip is mightier than all.  Respect the grip or the pain of a blood blister will be bestowed upon thee!!”

Rocker Panels, Who Needs Them? Not This Guy.

You know how sometimes your eyes are bigger than your stomach when you’re at a restaurant?  Well I have that problem with old rusty junk cars.  I see a car that looks like it was likely deemed unrestorable in the early 1980’s, and I decide I need to save it. UGH.  I then drag it out of a ditch, trailer it’s dead body home and unload it into its final resting place in my yard.  Around this moment is when my brain is released from ambition prison, and I say “oh crap, what have I just done?!”  Before long I am knee deep in sandblasting sand, MIG welding wire and receipts for sheetmetal.  Rather than spending a grand on a solid car from Arizona, I spend 10,000 hours restoring a rot box from the north east.  What the heck is wrong with me?  Do other people make bad decisions like this or am I alone here?